Wednesday, 11 May 2016

Mothers Day - not really as late as it might seem

From what I can gather it was Mothers Day in many countries around the world this past weekend.  In England it is always on the fourth Sunday of Lent, so usually sometime in March.

You probably haven't noticed, but I don't mention Mothers Day here on my blog.  It never used to be something that I worried about.  I bought my own mother a card and gift and called to give her my love and hugs and so on.  I still do that now.

Mothers Day has though become a difficult day for me and I have become less focussed on my own mother and more focussed on the fact that I am not a mother.

I have totally accepted and come to terms with the fact that I am not a mother, and will not be a mother, on all of the other days of the year.  Our lives have moved on and we have a good life and we are happy.  It has taken a lot to get here, but we have done it.  Life is what it is and we are making it as good as we can.  It really isn't going to happen and now I don't think that I would want it to happen because we have been through so much to get where we are I am not sure I could go through a whole emotional situation again.  And that really is OK!

On Mothers Day though I still have these pangs of being upset and I cannot bring myself to put out into blogland good wishes for mothers or to celebrate it in any way.  I don't begrudge anyone else their own motherhood or the love for their own mother, I just struggle to join in.

As I said, I still celebrate somewhat with my own mother, but that is as far as it goes.

Over the last few days though I have had a shift in my thoughts and feelings.  It was quite unexpected. 

It was Mothers Day in America and Canada and many other countries this past weekend - as I already said.  Several bloggers wrote different posts that I read about the fact that Mothers Day can be difficult for some people, for a whole variety of reasons.  There were also suggestions about it being a day to celebrate all women and their mothering and caring abilities, regardless of their childrearing abilities.  Some people also wrote about their own mothers, seeing the day as a day to remember them and to celebrate them, even if they are no longer alive.

Now, it is probably just me, but in the past I haven't noticed people acknowledging the difficulties of this day for some people and that recognition really touched my heart.  To know that there are people out there who realise that this day isn't fun and games for everyone is very touching indeed.  So thank you if you were one of those who wrote some of those words this weekend.

I really liked the idea of it being a day to celebrate women.  I know there is International Womens Day, but this is different, it is about the mothering aspects of being a woman.  We can and often do mother those around us, even if we don't have children ourselves.  I know that I do that!

Anyway, all that to say that I thank you for the wonderful posts this weekend about Mothers Day and for helping me to see this day differently and for sharing that you know that it isn't an easy day for everyone.  That acknowledgement is very precious indeed.

THANK YOU!!!

Now, because I haven't been able to bring myself to say it before, I am saying it now.  I salute all of those of you who are mothers or who mother others around you!  You are great women doing great things.  Happy Mothers Day!

To those who aren't mothers, for whatever reason, or find this day hard for any reason, know that there are people out there who understand and who know you are not having a fun day.  I am one of those and I understand and my thoughts are with you every day and especially on Mothers Day.

Amy

p..s. after writing this I went to add a tag to the post and I don't have a single one for mothers.  That is how much I have previously avoided writing about this.  I have added one now!

41 comments:

  1. ((((((HUGS)))) Amy. I have several friends who really struggle with Mother's Day for various reasons. I remember the first Mother's Day after my grandmother had passed away and how heartbreaking that was for my own mother.

    I have a good friend who I consider a hanai (adopted by love) daughter. She had a very rough childhood and has been unable to have children of her own. One of the things that she did that touched my heart so deeply was put together several photo collages paying tribute to all the great moms in her life. These included her friends and family with young children, her grandmother who raised her, aunts and those of us who have become second "moms" to her over the years. She also paid tribute to her birth mom who made the difficult choice to have someone else raise her and her siblings so that they could have a better life than she felt she could give them. She totally amazes me with her strength, courage and positivity, even when facing very difficult situations in her life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lovely post Amy you are a mother to lots with your care love and consideration you show those around you others it comes through with your posts :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dearest Amy, thank you so much for this post. You are absolutely a nurturing soul, and it comes through all the time. You have given me insight into something I needed to know: one of my sons has been married a long time, has no children although likes children very much, and it has only recently been mentioned that there will be no family. It has not occurred to me that Mother's Day could be problematical for this couple, and I can now understand why there has been much less enthusiasm for the day from him the last few years. Thank you for a beautifully written blog and for the suggestion of broadening the day to celebration of all mothering, from everyone. xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well done, it must have been even worse with there being two dates for Mothers Day around the world.x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dear Amy - I have found your Mother's Day post to be extremely moving. It was brave, courageous, thoughtful, and very honest of you to share what must been an extremely difficult period for you and your husband. I am so pleased that you both now find yourselves in a far happier place.

    ReplyDelete
  6. A lovely , thoughtful post Amy. I always see Mother's Day as a day to celebrate all the great woman I have or have been in my life that have been there for me, and in many ways mounded me to be the person I am....you don't have to bear or have a child to love, nurture or care and be thoughtful or kind.... Xxx

    ReplyDelete
  7. Life just isn't fair sometimes, is it? I've always considered myself to be blessed and fortunate that I've got two healthy children, I know many people aren't as lucky. My sister couldn't have children, but like you, she made the most of what she did have. There's also some people out there who just don't deserve to be mothers the way they treat their children, it just doesn't seem fair at all. When I choose my Mother's Day card, I often notice others which say You're Like A Mum To Me and I think it's lovely that there's cards to recognise people who do take on these roles as sometimes, people are closer to others rather than their own mother.

    ReplyDelete
  8. A wonderful post Amy.... You are kind, caring person and this shines through in your blog. You share, love and hug all of us in blogland... Thank you . love and hugs back to you Sue xx

    ReplyDelete
  9. My daughter has come to terms with not being a mother except that I know she is mothering as in caring and loving. I know that you are, too. Your post has given me a bit of a different perspective than I had just a few moments ago. My thought was that Mother's Day is for mothers and let's not get so concerned about the sorrows that we don't focus on the joys. Balance. It's a good thing. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is a thought provoking post Amy and I totally understand that Mother's Day is a difficult for you, and many women, mothers or not, and children, too. There are so many reasons why Mother's Day is not such a great thing. I have a difficult relationship with my own mum and imagine this celebration is difficult for her because of that, and I feel guilty. I am not a big fan of mother's day, or father's day or anybody's day really. I would much rather we all celebrate and appreciate each other in the things we do every day, no matter what this might be. Everyone does, is or has something that deserves celebrating. Kindness, generosity, resilience, caring for those you need care, determination, anything. Also, I really hate the commercial aspects of those celebratory days! Anyway, I shall stop here before this comment gets too long. Wishing you a happy and lovely week. x

    ReplyDelete
  11. Such a moving post and so very thoughtful on so many levels. I to love the idea of Women's day rather than Mother's day showing love and tenderness to those whom we nurture. Wishing you well Amy and take care.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Arabic Mother's Day is always March 21st. Then, as you mentioned, there's Mothering Sunday in the UK, usually in March. The 2nd Sunday of May for North America and India. And if you Google Mother's Day around the world, you will see that it's celebrated on many other different dates, too. I'm getting to the point of not feeling the need to subscribe to society's established holidays and special occasions. After an eye opening trip, truly every day is a gift and we must treat it that way. Meaningful people in our lives should be recognized and appreciated often. To mother means to nurture and you do that through your openness and honesty and your desire to share on your blog. Wishing you a wonderful rest of the week. Hugs, Tammy

    ReplyDelete
  13. I can understand how mothers day would be hard for you. Everybody lives are different and different people are on a different journey. Yours is your own and I'm glad you've made peace with it. Wishing you a wonderful day.
    xx Beca

    ReplyDelete
  14. This was a very brave post, Amy. I'm os glad you have been able to see the day in somewhat different terms, and that it has helped you. Hugs to you...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Lovely post Amy. Mother's Day can be a difficult day for many reasons. Our Mothers are both gone, but they live on in our memories. I decided to call my sister-in-law on Mother's Day. She's not a mother, but she takes loving care of her husband and her nurturing should be acknowledged too.
    We have a daughter, but we're never going to have grandchildren, that's just a fact we live with. Most of the time I don't mind, but sometimes it hits me in a sad way, so I certainly understand how you feel.

    ReplyDelete
  16. A lovely post Amy, really thoughtful and moving.
    Margaret P

    ReplyDelete
  17. To be honest I always feel why wait for a specific day when any day can be a mothering day, whether you are a mother or not. To care and nurture others in a mothering way can be fulfilling. To receive an impromptu gift or posy of flowers or an act of kindness just to say thank you is special any day. xcx

    ReplyDelete
  18. Lovely post, Amy. I read a quotation on someone's blog recently (was it Soulemama?) about 'mother' being a verb. You seem such a caring, nurturing person that of course the title applies to you. Sending virtual hugs. xx

    ReplyDelete
  19. Our pastor said, "Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers and to all the special women who have played a role in your life."

    ReplyDelete
  20. You have given me a perspective I have not taken before. Hugs and love to all of those beautiful women who dream, (or dreamed) of being a Mother one day, but haven't had the chance. With or without children, the loving and nurturing women of the world truly do make our lives so much more bearable and beautiful.
    Much love to you Amy.

    ReplyDelete
  21. We know the sorrow of being barren in our family. Our oldest son and our dear daughter in law are unable to have children. We feel they are complete as a couple without children and we love them to pieces just the way they are. Blessings on you as you settle in to your completeness!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hey Amy!
    I have to tell you this. (I think it's funny) I didn't have my son until I was 32. After he was born, I kind said to myself, well, maybe I will get some respect since I have had a baby. A group of mothers that I was with were discussing their babies and when I when I joined the discussion, one of them said, "What do you know, you only have ONE".
    HA! You know, we all need to recognize that we are all WOMEN and we should celebrate that. You know you have mothered the world, at times, am I right? :-)
    Love your honesty!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hugs to you Amy, you are such a sweetheart ;) I have come to hate mother's day over the years for my own reasons. I would find it so frustrating to work through crafts with the daycare kids and send everyone home with happy little packages for their moms, when the thought of it was just breaking my heart. I've heard a few people say that the concept should be altered, and I am in full agreement with that.
    Wendy xox

    ReplyDelete
  24. You're a kind and thoughtful person so I hate to think of your sadness especially when these special days come around that commemorate motherhood. You're also someone who can express how you feel and so I trust writing about this and how you've coped with your sorrow has helped. I hope you're feeling better. I feel my words are inadequate to comfort you. Instead I send my love and hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Thank you for sharing your honesty, Amy. As you know, I'm one of those who is not fond of Mother's Day either, but for a different reason. But like you said, this is a "holiday" that is painful for many people. Big hugs to you, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Wonderful post! It's a great day just to celebrate women. There are great women out there who are great role models to children/other adults and deserve celebrating.

    Not every woman can have children or even wants children. That doesn't make them any less of a woman or their life any less fulfilling or important. I think we should celebrate all women.

    My kids (now grown) were lucky enough to have a great aunt (literally) who never had children of her own, but was a teacher and nurturer to many children, who spent lots of time with them when they were kids and took them to great places. Their lives were enriched by having her in them.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Thank you for this important post, Amy!
    I posted roses for Mother's Day but tried to avoid hyping motherhood excessively. Not all are mothers and not all have been fortunate enough to have a loving mother. Especially the less lucky ones are in my thoughts and receive at least a virtual hug. :)
    Have a lovely day! xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Sara for saying that not everyone had a loving mother. It often feels as if I daren't mention how awful my mother was, because I will be attacked by people who don't understand. So thank you for pointing it out for me.

      Delete
    2. I must add here that I have been fortunate both as a daughter and as a mother, but have heard very sad - appalling - personal histories. A child's relationship with his/her mother is the first and a very important relationship and perhaps we can't even imagine how much strength (and good luck) a child of a distant, inconsistent, or cruel mother needs to be able to grow happy. *Sigh!*
      Hugs to all! :)

      Delete
  28. Despite being a happy mother myself, I can't say that I hugely enjoy Mother's Day either! I think it's because I'm a mother all year round so focusing on a single day for recognising the fact feels odd and a bit forced to me. Xx

    ReplyDelete
  29. You DO have a lovely mother heart and you watch out for people which is what mothers do. You're good through and through, dear Amy.

    ReplyDelete
  30. You are so brave my friend. As you know from my post I am all about women celebrating the day as a whole, we all mother people in our lives, it does not have to be babies we have born or adopted. Love comes in many forms and that is what I think we give the world as women.
    Hugs,
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
  31. It is true Amy, I thought the same this year that there were many posts acknowledging that it should be be a woman's day and caring etc. Sending you huge hugs my friend, time for a long over due meet up I think xxx Sending love x

    ReplyDelete
  32. Oh Amy - I love and appreciate your honesty so much. It touched my heart and you brought up great points. But I'm extra glad that you found the joy and celebration in it as an empowering day to celebrate women. Love that!!
    Blessings to you dear Friend. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  33. I'm not a big fan of Mother's Day for my own reasons- the commercialism, it makes me think of unpleasant aspects of my childhood and the mothering I received or didn't.
    You are a truly lovely person Amy with a caring heart and I am glad to count you as my friend. xo

    ReplyDelete
  34. I echo what Christina and CT say above. Sending love xx

    ReplyDelete
  35. A heartfelt post which obviously wasn't the easiest to write but which is full of emotions which many can relate to.
    Lisa x

    ReplyDelete
  36. Well written and thought provoking post Amy. You chose to share the tough times you have been through and that always takes courage. I salute you. X

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so very much for stopping by to visit and for leaving a comment, I love hearing what you have to say and I read all of your messages.

All comments are moderated, so it might take a little while for your comment to appear, but it will once I have read it!

Thank you again for visiting!

Amy xx