Do you ever feel that you are just in a really bad mood. Like you want to be all yelling and shouting and having a go at someone? No, probably not because you are normal, but that is how I feel today.
There is silly stuff going round in my head. Most of which I will not bore you with, save this one little thing.
A quote from someone in a meeting (NOT me!). "I'm not trying to be negative, just trying to see all the problems" Really. If that was your positive I would hate to see your negative!!! Also I was got at today for not dressing up as a witch at work. It isn't compulsory and there were many other non witches, but for some reason I was the person chosen to be pointedly pointed out...... Agghh!!
No, the issue is this, which I have to explain in a slightly roundabout way, so please, as Tilly* would say "bear with...".
I have to tell someone something which really isn't that horrid in my opinion.
That once the persons child reaches 21 next year, that really is it for gifts. Under 21 is fine and will continue, but after that no. Gifts stopped for me well before I was 16 so I have gone on a lot longer than that already. Significant occasions like weddings are excluded from the no gifts of course and gifts will be bought for those occasions as and when they happen.
Relations with the person and their spouse are extremely difficult and likely to go off - on their end - like a truckload of fireworks if they even sense that they are somehow being "wronged" by me. They have a lot to deal with and I know and accept that and if I was allowed to I would help, but I am not so I can't.
That said, I don't think me giving advance warning of no more presents after this Christmas and the 21st birthday of their child next year should be the end of the world or add to their troubles in any way.
I am terrified though, based on previous horrendous experiences, that if I say, which I feel that I should do in order to give some advance warning, that this is your last Christmas and birthday gifts, it is very likely that all the circles of hell will break loose and come crashing down upon me faster than you can say Dante who. Or bear with.
I started to vaguely mention it once before when relations were in an okish kind of place and it wasn't well received. As I am apparently in the doghouse, once again, for not doing or not not doing or whatever it was I should or shouldn't have done because quite frankly I have no idea what it is that I did or didn't do, if I say it now, when I have apparently done something wrong (and, this is not a lie, their actual pet dog just died too!) then really, all the circles of hell will rain down on me.
If I leave it though then that isn't so nice either is it. What do I do. Just stop? Send one child (well under 21) an envelope and not the other?
Oh, and at the moment the soon to be 21 and their younger sibling do send gifts to hubby and I, which are very kind, but not expected in any way, and I will, once again, make this absolutely clear, and will request, once again, that these gifts to us cease, because I really do not think it would be fair to send one way gifts to us. Not because we are not grateful, I just don't think that it is right now and would really not be right if we stop.
This isn't someone that I can just ignore or not talk to, I do have to talk to them, at least at some points, even if they are in the middle of hating me.
Any advice? Kind nice well meaning advice, I cannot take anyone being nasty right now! Not that you would I am sure.
I know the answer, just rip off the plaster (band aid) and tell them, but oh gosh that doesn't make it any easier.
I guess that what I am hoping that you will say is that I am right, once you reach 21 I can stop with the gifts and then that will give me some confidence that I am not doing something awful and help me when I have to come out and say it. Which I need to do. Soon.
If I am being unfair though, do tell me. Just nicely!
Thank you all!
That is why I am crabby. I am stressed! I am not going to yell or shout though. Instead I just spent nigh on two hours writing and rewriting this. I am going to press publish, but I might delete it in a moment!
* Tilly is a character from a sitcom called Miranda. You have to have seen it to understand. Sorry!