Friday, 24 October 2014

Writing

Some of you have recently left comments here, or replies in comments on your own posts saying that I say the sweetest things to others.  Thank you for that, I really do try hard to make sure that I only say positive things.  Not in a saccharin or fake way, just that I try and be nice to everyone in thought, word and deed.  It is very important to me, sometimes it takes work to say something nice to someone that I am not feeling very nice about, but still I do it.  Of course most of the time it is easy, especially when writing to such lovely people as ya'll are. 

I am sure that you do the same too.  In fact, I know that you do - from your own lovely comments!  Thank you for all of your kind comments to me, especially lately.  I appreciate them so much, and I am doing all that I can to take care of myself as you have instructed me to do.

So bearing in mind that I try and just look at the positive things - because I really do - and that I am trying to take care of myself - which for me means not getting stressed out - why can I not shake the one little tiny thing that is bothering me so very much.

It isn't the fact that I have ill family members that need caring for.  It isn't even the fact that hubby is, as I write this, at the funeral of a young 20 year old friend who died in a car crash 2 weeks ago.  It isn't the difficulties that have reared their head over who is going to have who or go where for Christmas.  All stressful or difficult things, but I can cope with all of those.  I take them in my stride and handle them. They aren't fun, but I can deal with them.

No, instead, I pick the one little phrase from an e-mail from a family member to get totally upset about.  The e-mail as a whole wasn't unpleasant in any way, but instead of just saying thank you, or sticking to purely factual information, they had to stick in a phrase that has just gone into my heart like a dagger and stuck there.  Instead of saying thank you for driving miles up and down the motorway, for stepping in and helping, for committing to visits all through this month and November (which no one else has done as far as I am aware) and just leaving it at that, they say about my suggested dates for visiting that it is OK "unless anybody feels inconvenienced in any way".  That is, inconvenienced by my visits.

Over the last few weeks I have written so many posts and e-mails only to outright delete them or change them in some way - and then probably still delete them! - because I try so hard to get the words right.  Now I know that if I look at this rationally they probably didn't mean anything by their comment, and didn't mean to upset me, but frankly they have.  I guess because I try so hard to be nice I would hope that I would never say anything like this.  Indeed I spent ages trying to compose a polite reply to the e-mail so that I could not be dragged into anything in any way, or cause upset to anyone in any way.

Anyway, I am rambling now.  I am going to take my broken heart and try and drag my sorry behind into a better mood and frame of mind, to put this behind me and move onwards and upwards.  Sorry that I don't have pretty pictures or words to share right now.  I am trying to keep them as pleasant and happy as I can though.

I will be back.  In the end.  In the meantime, I am reading your posts - I am soooooooo behind it isn't even funny, but I have decided to follow my own advice to many of you and not comment on every post - sorry!  As soon as I am all caught up reading I will be back to it.  I promise.

Thank you again for your support.  I am constantly amazed that so many people take the time to leave a nice little message.  I really do appreciate all of your comments and e-mails and so on.

So, in lieu of comments on your own blog, I hope that all will be well with you, that you will have a good weekend, that your garden grows, your crafts continue so beautifully, that you have great times with your family.  I am there in your sorrow and am thinking of you.  I share your joys and am glad that you are having happy times.

Take care of yourselves my friends.  I may return shortly, or I may take a little time - depending on how quickly I can get my sorry behind back into gear again.  So see you as and when.

Amy xx

60 comments:

  1. Dear Amy - I really do think that the word 'inconvenience' was may be an unfortunate choice of word to have used, and that the person involved did not mean it in the context that it sounds to you. I feel that they intended to convey the hope that you would not be inconvenienced.

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  2. Be positive and try to look on the bright side

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  3. Amy, I understand exactly how you feel, things like that get to me as well. I'm glad you're taking some time away from feeling you have to comment on blogs. Just have a break and try and fit in some relaxation and a little treat or two for yourself. I'm sorry things are so tough at the moment, it sounds as if there is a lot of heartbreak and sadness. I'm sending you a big cyber hug. CJ xx

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  4. If the general tone of the email was friendly they probably didn't mean it the way it came out. I often think this is the problem with writing things instead of speaking them - you have no way of judging tone and therefore meaning. Emoticons are a good way round that but perhaps this wasn't possible in the email? Can you write back and ask them to clarify what they meant? I think I would- if you don't give them the opportunity to understand you were upset by that phrase then they can't do anything to make you feel better. They may have been meaning something entirely different, as Rosemary says in her comment. xx

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  5. Dear Amy
    So sorry to hear things are getting you down. I dislike emails because you have to be so careful in your choice of words, as the smallest things can be interpreted wrongly. It's so much easier face to face...
    Look after yourself and have some treats too, whether materially or giving yourself permission to do what you want to do and not feeling guilty.
    Hope that you feel better about things soon.
    Best wishes
    Ellie

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  6. I really hope you can drag yourself out of their quickly and get yourself to a happy place again!!! Don't fret the small things!!! I know it's easier said than done but for your own sake, you have to do it!!! Hope you have a happy, crafty and relaxing weekend!!!
    Love
    AMarie
    xxxx

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  7. It sounds as thought you take things to heart, and I know exactly how you feel about this unfortunate incident, as I do too. It would have upset me aswell, especially as I try to do my best for other people, and that's exactly what you're doing. I hope you can feel more positive again soon.

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  8. Sometimes we don't always write exactly what we're trying to say. To me the comment sounds a bit confused. Who could be inconvenienced by a friendly, helpful visit by you to a loved one. If more than one person is visiting at the same time, surely that wouldn't matter, and would make the visit a little less arduous and much more pleasant. I would let the comment slide by, otherwise it will eat you up, especially when you feel a little pressured by all of this in the first place. The person did say the dates were ok, so go with that and ignore the rest of the comment because it's not clear. Have a wonderful day Amy :) Wendy x

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  9. Sometimes life can be so hard. It feels like the squeak on the blackboard, the wrong direction of the nap on the carpet...... Wait a while, wrap yourself metaphorically in the finest silk, bathe with rise petals and candles and feel the softest breeze on your face.... This time too eill pass. Lift your eyes up. Calm your mind and think of the best things in your life. Empty your heart of hurt and be ready for the next rainbow to arc over you .... X x x

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  10. Oh dear, I can understand how this hit you in the heart, Amy, and the more so because you have stretched yourself to the limit lately, and perhaps are tired too. As Rosemary says, it might just be poor choice of wording, or a badly expressed thought on behalf of the writer, but that does not take away the effect of the initial impact. A bit of time out is a good idea, read blogs but don't comment, just go with the flow, and I do hope things improve very soon. xxx

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  11. Sending *hugs* Amy. You're trying your best and it's not appreciated. Rise above it and have a happy crafting weekend yourself. I was wearing the pink sparkly flower broach you made for me the other day and loads of lovely comments. :-) CN x

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  12. Oh I really understand this. We seem to live in a world where saying anything to anyone ,regardless of how it may sound, is the norm. Kindness is free...it may take the extra effort ,but it's who we are....and I'm glad!
    Jane x

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  13. I keep tell some people in my village not to take E-mails to heart. In the days we sent letters we reread them before posting but E-mails are wrote and sent. bing gone. people don't think. Hope things calm down for you soon.

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  14. Oh Amy - I would be exactly the same ! I'm terrible for taking one small thing and dwelling on it for too long. Chin up and keep going !
    Kate xx

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  15. I understand how you feel, Amy - I was trying to write an e-mail today and deleted loads of ways of saying what I wanted to say as I didn't want my words to be misinterpreted or to offend in any way. I'm like you I can cope with the big things but just a few words, probably not meant in the way they sound, can really lay me low and I carry those thoughts around for days if not longer. Take as much time as you need away from blogging - we'll be here when you return:)

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  16. Amy, please know that we understand you are going through a very busy time right now and will be here when you return. Blessings to you as you take on this extra load in the next weeks. Hugs. Pam

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  17. Oh dear Amy only I can say try to make the Best for you.
    Always we have around strangue and not kind people.
    Dont worry and makethe best you want.
    Abig hug and loads of love!
    ♡♥

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  18. It was a shabby thing to write, they're either very inconsiderate or unthinking. I read somewhere that if we get 2 compliments and 1 criticism that adds up to 1 criticism because we forget the compliments and focus on the other. Things like that are a knife to the heart.
    The best thing to do with people like that is simply ignore them.

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  19. Hang in there my friend....
    I also "read between the lines" sometimes...and it is always to my detriment...
    You can't make Race Horses out of Donkeys...as my Dad always said...
    See you soon..
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

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  20. Amy -
    Don't worry about commenting (or not) on our blogs. I took a little bit of time out recently and may well do so again, as my emotions are up and down at the moment.
    I've always been very sensitive and admittedly can read too much into what others say. However, I'm also very careful with other's feelings and don't think it's too difficult to expect the same in return.
    My general rule is to maybe overlook a slight (perceived or otherwise) once or, at a push, twice. If it happens more than that I usually step away and keep my distance. Life's too short to deal with (and concern yourself about) rude, ungrateful or overly-opinionated people.
    Surround yourself with those who make you feel good. As for those who make you feel bad: you're worth more than that.
    Sarah x

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  21. I understand how you feel. When someone does something that we wouldn't think of saying or writing, it can be hard to take - especially when you are going over and above to help. Sometimes people just don't think.
    Hang in there, hope your break helps and I'll see you when you come back.

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  22. Amy, take some time out and get yourself feeling stronger everybody will still be here when you get back. Hope things will be a little better for you soon. Have a great crafting weekend.

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  23. A wise friend once told me: "If it's not kind, necessary, or truthful - don't say it." I try hard to remember that, but sometimes I just wish others would too. I know what you mean about some words that just go straight through the heart.
    This too shall pass, lovely friend - hang in there. Hugs xx

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  24. Wish I could sheer you up Amy! So sorry to hear so much is happening in your life. Hope the sun will shine for you soon.

    Take care and always look for the light! It helped me too.

    Madelief x

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  25. Golly! Hard times all round at the moment!
    I love your comments, you are always so kind and thoughtful, but the downside of that is that sometimes one can be too kind and gentle; just because you consider carefully the meaning of what you write, doesn't mean everybody else does. I know I am a cracking one for having foot in mouth disease because, well, truthfully I sometimes press send before I think .
    If you truly believe that this comment is supposed to upset you.... well, that says more about *them* than you. As far as I can see, the only person inconvenienced is you, and if you're happy helping and travelling then IT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
    Amy, you are a lovely person, and I can tell you're stressed. Have a break, try not to linger over the email and live your life to suit you; kindness, helpfulness and all. If you really need closure, print off the email, delete it from your computer and take the print off outside and BURN it. There is a lot of satisfaction in watching bad words go up in smoke.
    And we'll see you and hear you when you're ready again. Mama Jo says go rest.

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  26. Your constant commenting on my blog always leave me smiling. You are positive and kind and you set the bar high Amy. I am so sorry that your heart has been heart by the phrase and I know it will take a time to heal. But as you say yourself they probably did not mean it how your heart has taken it. This might not speed up your healing but know here on blog land you are cherished and sought after. Sending hugs. Selma x

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  27. I would be just as upset as you are, if I would receive an email with that phrase in it... I've read it in some of the comments above, and I would do it too : ask for an explanation what they mean with the "inconvenience"... Whatever their answer will be, at least you'll know how they think of you helping... And you'll be able to draw your conclusions (positive or negative...)
    But nevertheless, enjoy the weekend. Do lots of stuff you feel like doing. Only do stuff you feel like doing :-) !
    A big belgian hug :-) !!!

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  28. Amy, Sending you a maahoosive hug, and we all know you'll be back when you're ready,
    Keep smiling it makes 'em wonder what you've been up to!!
    Much Love
    Sue xxxx

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  29. Oh Amy, what a horrid week.
    I hope lady in the nursing home isn't aware of all this because it is her that benefits from your visits. Stay strong lovely.
    Your poor hubby must be needing TLC also, it really can't get much worse.
    Take time, life is for the living as they say.
    Best of wishes
    Helen

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  30. Take care - sending a hug. xx

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  31. Hi Amy,

    I appreciate your honesty and the fact that you could share these feelings with your readers. It helps, doesn't it, when one can communicate so well with like-minded folks. The fact that you recognize that those words were probably not spoken intentionally, may make it easier to forgive, or at least, to forget, in due time. Still, being a sensitive soul myself, I completely understand your sentiments. Take care, my friend. Hope you have a lovely weekend.

    xx
    Poppy

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  32. If I tell you that I have 2 siblings who have said similar things to me since mum went into the care home, I'm sure you'll understand that I know *exactly* what you're feeling. Hugs from me to you, Amy. We'll be the good ones together. :o)

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  33. Hi Amy, I'm so wishing I could put on a funny face and dance until you laugh, but when I stopped it would all roll back. Time, time heals or it helps you forget. It is unpleasant what we hear and see with our eyes when we are so caring of others ourselves. I know my feelings have been stepped on like a flattened cow patty in the field a few times. You know I roll those ugly thoughts over every once in awhile just like I"m punishing myself. I've found sometimes when people say things they just don't realize the pain they cause others. Im' on this trip across Canada to reflect, and yes on the bad as well as the good. You have to do that so you can continue the travel in the right direction. You can leave a :-) as a comment to me while you get caught up, I'll know you were by.

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  34. Sometimes in a time of crisis, people say tactless things, but they don't mean to be unkind. Some people aren't very good with the written word, either, and perhaps the remark was meant in a lighthearted way but didn't read like that. It's true that we tend to remember negative remarks rather than positives. I can still remember phrases that hurt me in my 20's, but I have probably forgotten many more compliments. You're having a tough old time, all you can do is ride the waves and try to take support from those around you, trust your instincts, and do what is right for you. X

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  35. I am just like you Amy, I try to be nice to everyone I come in contact with even though sometimes it's hard and you want to speak your mind. People just don't think, they have probably written that without even thinking that it would upset you, but I totally get it I would be upset too, for me it would be a case of to hell with them then why should I bother, and then I would rethink and still do it anyway because what I'm doing is good and right and the person I'm going to visit is happier for my visits and it doesn't really matter about anyone else. It's funny Amy but I totally believe in what goes around come around it's been proven to me so many times in my life and although I know you don't want anything bad to happen to them, they will feel the hurt you are feeling now some time in the future. You are the better person take a deep breath move on and put it behind you, smile sweetly and have some chocolate it always works for me. Take care xxxxx

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  36. As others have said, not everyone else is as careful as to how things can come across. Especially with emails as they can be fired out so quickly without due attention. It must come as a kick in the teeth particularly as you've been so supportive to others recently. I am so sorry that you've been hurt in this way, Amy and hope that you can ride it out and move on to a better place xx

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  37. Amy- you are such a kind person to always try to give thought and consideration to your comments and writings. Too often, that's not what happens.

    I'm so sorry for your personal heartaches-- life is so hard and often unfair. I pray you find the peace and comfort you need right now-- I know that your friends want that for you also.
    Thank you for your visit-- your wonderfully kind words-- and thoughts.

    Xoxo
    Vicki

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  38. Dear Amy, I'm sorry that you've been hurt by the careless wording in your email. I know I'd have felt just like you. I get hurt very easily and tend to dwell on things. This year I've taken stock of the situations that sometimes crop up and rather than let it pull me down I speak my mind to whomsoever might have spoken out of turn. Kindly of course, for I don't like hurting or upsetting people even though others don't think like me. All in all it has worked. Rather than shy away I'm now more challenging and try to diffuse a situation before it gets out of hand. Hoping that you can deal with this in the way you think is best. Take care and enjoy your weekend. P x

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  39. I'm sorry their words hurt you. It's hard to be a sensitive soul, as I can well relate. I come from a background where people say many thoughtless and hurtful things all the time, and while I can't imagine I'll ever get used to it, I do find that I feel tougher about it all the time. It just makes me more careful about the words I choose, especially when speaking to my children. I think that a break is a great idea if you feel you need it. I don't think you should ever have to explain yourself about taking one, though. Everyone understands. Okay? Hang in there. :)

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  40. Oh Amy, because your heart is so big I think it is easier to break. Here you are trying your hardest to help and then you get this comment. All I can say is be true to you, and remember that you are wonderful in every way.
    Hugs,
    Meredith

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  41. Dear Amy,

    So sorry that you are going through a rough patch in your life.
    Do hope that brighter days will be ahead for you.
    Thank you so much for the kind visit to my blog and the lovely note you left. I appreciate your kind words.
    Hope your weekend is going well
    hugs
    Carolyn

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  42. I understand completely Amy - I think you and I are very similar in lots of ways! Thinking of you and sending you much love, Joy xo
    PS Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind message on mine on my return to blogland. I really appreciate your caring xxx

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  43. Oh Amy I wish I could give you a big hug. You are such a kind and caring person, it is hard when others are so thoughtless. Take care of yourself xx

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  44. Sending a {{big hug}} your way. blessings ~ tanna

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  45. Oh boy, how totally understandable (and recognisable, unfortunately). Sometimes people are so careless. Take care there, Amy, and be sure to protect yourself first and foremost. xxx

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  46. Dear Amy....I am so sorry you have been hurt by this person's words. Sending you love and a big hug.
    Helen xox

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  47. So sorry that those words have hurt you Amy, people can be really thoughtless sometimes, cant they. Sounds like you have a lot going on right now, stay strong, and stay lovely,
    Jillxo

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  48. so sorry that you are feeling hurt. I hope they did not intend it to be so, and it is a problem caused by writing in haste without considering the tone of the message. I often find that tone is hard to portray in an email or a text and was recently upset by one that probably wasn't meant to, but when a message is condensed it can lose it's way and cause harm that isn't intended.
    take care of yourself xxx

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  49. I have had a little break from blogging and returned today and wondered where you were so I came looking. I'm sorry you were upset by that person's thoughtless comments. I hope you can relax and do something nice for yourself, big hugs xx

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  50. Hi Amy, sorry your having a rough time right now. Emails and texts can sometimes be sent without thought to how the other person is going to read them. I hope you have a better week, take care of yourself, thinking of you xx

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  51. It's awful when someone is thoughtless in what they say or write. And, although it's hard to understand why, it's so hard to get that one comment out of your head. You are doing right not to just lash back but to try and be nice to this other person. Best wishes.

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  52. I'm sorry to hear that Amy....I know how hard you love and commit yourself to others. For someone to not recognize that in you is just sad. Take your time and take time to heal by taking care of you! I am here for you whenever you need anything....Love Nicole xoxo

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  53. We have a saying in our family when things like this happen - and they do, frequently, - 'always take the high road', dear friend. People can be insensitive and downright cruel, but ultimately it is our own opinions of ourselves that matter the most of all. You know you are sweet, kind, caring and committed. If another can not appreciate this, it is up to you to give yourself that caring kindness and to try really hard to focus on all the sweet and good things that come into your life. The high road always has the best view, too. Big hugs to a sweet person. xo Karen

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  54. I'm an occasional commentator on blogs - as (I think) you suggest, one can't possibly comment on them all and have a normal life as well. I hate to think of anyone going through a bad time. We all do; we all have our highs and lows. It seems like you're have an unfair share of lows: it will change, it always does. And I'm forever being told I've put my foot in it - I'm sure your friend/relative did not intend to wound. Take care.

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  55. Sometimes people don't realize just how damaging their words can be and how deep they can cut. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this, I wish I was closer to come and give you a hug and share a cup of tea. I will miss your daily posts, but I completely understand that you need to step back. Whenever you decide to return, we'll be here waiting :)

    Big hugs,
    Sandra

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  56. Hi Amy. I just wanted to say that I hope you're ok and can totally understand why you feel the need to take a step back. Sometimes life just overwhelms us and we need some space. I'll be thinking of you and do hope you keep your humour, your warmth and your general all round loveliness during this trying time.
    Gillian x

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  57. Hi Amy, I've just come back to this having read the one that followed it. I feel for you so much as I have the tendency to do the same. I'll let a tiny comment bug me so much that it will stop me sleeping, reading far too much into it I'm sure! I swear by my Guatemalan worry dolls....

    http://www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_trksid=p2047675.m570.l1313.TR12.TRC2.A0.H0.Xworry+dolls&_nkw=worry+dolls&_sacat=0

    I use them all the time! xx

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  58. Amy, I'm so sorry you're going through a bad time at the moment.It's clear you are a lovely person who feels deeply. May you find strength in knowing that me and many others are thinking of you. Take care. xx

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  59. Thinking of you, Amy. So sorry for these things that are upsetting. Please know that others care. God bless, Beth

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  60. Hello Amy,

    I have just read your post, and my heart goes out to you. I just wish I could give you a little gentle hug

    Take care my friend.

    luv
    irene
    xxxx

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