Some of you have recently left comments here, or replies in comments on your own posts saying that I say the sweetest things to others. Thank you for that, I really do try hard to make sure that I only say positive things. Not in a saccharin or fake way, just that I try and be nice to everyone in thought, word and deed. It is very important to me, sometimes it takes work to say something nice to someone that I am not feeling very nice about, but still I do it. Of course most of the time it is easy, especially when writing to such lovely people as ya'll are.
I am sure that you do the same too. In fact, I know that you do - from your own lovely comments! Thank you for all of your kind comments to me, especially lately. I appreciate them so much, and I am doing all that I can to take care of myself as you have instructed me to do.
So bearing in mind that I try and just look at the positive things - because I really do - and that I am trying to take care of myself - which for me means not getting stressed out - why can I not shake the one little tiny thing that is bothering me so very much.
It isn't the fact that I have ill family members that need caring for. It isn't even the fact that hubby is, as I write this, at the funeral of a young 20 year old friend who died in a car crash 2 weeks ago. It isn't the difficulties that have reared their head over who is going to have who or go where for Christmas. All stressful or difficult things, but I can cope with all of those. I take them in my stride and handle them. They aren't fun, but I can deal with them.
No, instead, I pick the one little phrase from an e-mail from a family member to get totally upset about. The e-mail as a whole wasn't unpleasant in any way, but instead of just saying thank you, or sticking to purely factual information, they had to stick in a phrase that has just gone into my heart like a dagger and stuck there. Instead of saying thank you for driving miles up and down the motorway, for stepping in and helping, for committing to visits all through this month and November (which no one else has done as far as I am aware) and just leaving it at that, they say about my suggested dates for visiting that it is OK "unless anybody feels inconvenienced in any way". That is, inconvenienced by my visits.
Over the last few weeks I have written so many posts and e-mails only to outright delete them or change them in some way - and then probably still delete them! - because I try so hard to get the words right. Now I know that if I look at this rationally they probably didn't mean anything by their comment, and didn't mean to upset me, but frankly they have. I guess because I try so hard to be nice I would hope that I would never say anything like this. Indeed I spent ages trying to compose a polite reply to the e-mail so that I could not be dragged into anything in any way, or cause upset to anyone in any way.
Anyway, I am rambling now. I am going to take my broken heart and try and drag my sorry behind into a better mood and frame of mind, to put this behind me and move onwards and upwards. Sorry that I don't have pretty pictures or words to share right now. I am trying to keep them as pleasant and happy as I can though.
I will be back. In the end. In the meantime, I am reading your posts - I am soooooooo behind it isn't even funny, but I have decided to follow my own advice to many of you and not comment on every post - sorry! As soon as I am all caught up reading I will be back to it. I promise.
Thank you again for your support. I am constantly amazed that so many people take the time to leave a nice little message. I really do appreciate all of your comments and e-mails and so on.
So, in lieu of comments on your own blog, I hope that all will be well with you, that you will have a good weekend, that your garden grows, your crafts continue so beautifully, that you have great times with your family. I am there in your sorrow and am thinking of you. I share your joys and am glad that you are having happy times.
Take care of yourselves my friends. I may return shortly, or I may take a little time - depending on how quickly I can get my sorry behind back into gear again. So see you as and when.