Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Sharing

This what I had scheduled to post this morning while I was going to be out.

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Last week I wrote about sharing things on blogs.  Turns out, after turning myself inside out, and into 1000 different sorts of knots I just can't do it.

I have something to say, but I can't make it happen.  Nothing terrible, just complicated and it makes me feel sick.

Even re reading that last paragraph makes me feel sick in case you think there is something wrong with me or something horrible going on.  There isn't.  I'm fine, just in a knot, and my jaw is aching, it does that when I am stressed.

I wrote a post, deleted it, and wrote another one, deleted it, wrote another one, scheduled it to post - 'cause I was too chicken to post straight away - went back, deleted it.  Changed it to this.  I'm writing this on Monday night - it is at least Tuesday morning when you are reading this.  Wonder how many more times I might have changed it.

I think I have the answer.  It isn't that I don't want to share, or that I don't have things to share, I just can't.

Sorry.

I will still talk lots though, and share all sorts of other stuff - decorating to come later this week! - but I can't share what I really want to tell you.

Perhaps that is what we suffer from.  Not that we don't want to talk, we just can't when we want to.

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Before I left the house at 7am I stopped this post being published and reverted it to a draft.  What a surprise!

I just read this post from Coal Valley View, and cried.

I still cannot say anything.

Today I was stressed, I laughed, I was upset, I was angry, then I was really angry, then I was furious (I left a little note on the car parked behind me that tried to park in my car, yes, in my car, it wasn't a very nice note, I'm not proud, I managed to say what I wanted to the driver of the car though) then I cried, and now I am here.

I'm not gonna apologise again, but if you are reading this and wishing that life didn't seem so rosy all the time in blogland, it isn't, and it isn't that we don't want to share, sometimes we just can't.

But know that we are here and will stay here if you need us.  Bloggers are great!

Amy

50 comments:

  1. You poor thing Amy! I can so relate to you and your troubles. I hardly ever post anything negative on my blog either but life sometimes gets crazy outside of blogland. I do hope you sort it all out soon and keep your head up! Your never alone to the matter!
    Hugs....Shari

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  2. Just do what feels right for you - and that makes it the right course of action. Blogs are a selective part of life - not the whole picture. Good luck. x

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  3. I must say, Amy...this is all rather confusing...
    Hope you sort things out.....SOON!!

    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

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    1. Warts and All...I like that!!
      Blogging is good for the soul...cleansing in a way...
      I am sure you will come out of this "slump" real soon...
      Now......how is that crochet coming along!!!
      I am onto another big project!!

      Cheers!
      Linda :o)

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    2. Crochet is coming along - so is my list - did you see how much I checked off!

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    3. Good job!!!
      I will never have a list....toooo many things to do!!
      Off to daughter #1 to feed her 3 cats...her and hubby are vacationing in Maine for the week!! la-tee-da!!!
      Enjoy your day, Amy...

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    4. This is like being at Betsy's! I don't normally have long comment conversations!! have fun with the cats...

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  4. Hi Amy, bloging is an odd thing isn't it. I read brave , warts and all posts and admire the writer but I'm not sure I could do it myself.
    I have things I could write about and I'm sure lots of people would offer kind comments and my post may help others in a similar situation but I'm not brave enough ( at the moment ) to share.
    I do like my blog to be an escape from my worries too , focusing on the good bits does help me a lot.
    I think most people know that blogland generally focuses on the positives in our lives....not because we want to show off or lie, but because we are trying to spread a little happiness and find like minded souls who get pleasure from similar things.
    I hope you are doing OK can share with someone Amy.
    Thank you for all your kind comments over at mine.
    Jacquie xxx

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    1. Blogging is very odd at times that is for sure! I do like all the happies at your blog Jacquie, and like you admire the warts and all writers, and not that I want to do that, but I know that I couldn't! xx

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  5. I understand. For me, blogging is a way to focus on the good things, especially the ones which are in my control, which is most of the things in my life. The negative things are always there but I don't feel that blogging about them is going to help. In fact, it would only make them worse. I can only control my own behavior and my own choices and I can guide my children to do the same. That's really all I can ask of myself in this life. I hope that you find a way to share your struggle if you want to do that, and if you don't, I wish you good luck with it anyway. :)

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    1. Thank you dear Jennifer. An odd day really, but I just e-mailed a friend about it and I feel a little better now I have shared. You are right about your own choices, that is a good thought to remember. xx

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  6. Hope you're OK. There's so much I think about writing in my blog but then don't, I try just to keep it fairly positive, maybe I should be a bit more upfront, guess we all have our struggles and sometimes it's nice to write about what we've achieved rather than what drags us down. Here for you with hugs :) xx

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    1. I'm doing a bit better now thanks Cheryl, spent a strangely satisfying afternoon on a rather tricky piece of work that I had to do. Amazing how a bit of concentrating on something else can clear the mind. I could be feeling rather silly now, but hey ho, can't change it now so no point worrying I guess! I think you are right, you write about what you want, if that is just good stuff, you go for it - we will all love reading it! - and if it is not so good, we will still read it and support you. Take care of yourself xx

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  7. We all have worries and although I love the support of bloggers in my creative life, my private life is for me and my private friends. That is just how I see it. It doesn't mean we are perfect because we have kicked all the crap into the other corner of the room so that we can take a nice photo of something we have lovingly made!!! But for some, sharing on blogs is for them and it isn't for others. Hope you get to share your worries somewhere - wherever that might be. Thanks for always dropping by my blog. Jo xxxx

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    1. Very good advice Jo, thank you. I love the idea of all the stuff in a pile hiding from your camera! I will be OK, just having a mad moment - must be all those pumpkins! xx

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  8. I'm not sure what is troubling you, but you certainly don't have to share it in your blog or apologize for not doing so. Some people find it helpful, some of us keep important matters more private.

    Here's hoping you find some peace.

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    1. Thank you! I think that I've discovered that I am not a sharer! Too stressful. xx

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  9. You're not alone in the fact that you can't share the upsetting portions of your life. I can't either. I probably never will, so don't go looking on my blog for the messy parts of my life. Your blog is your own space, and no one should be telling us what we need to reveal in that space. I do hope that you can sort out whatever it is your struggling with soon, and hopefully you have someone close that you can confide in to help with your decisions should you need it. Take care, and a big hug to you :) Wendy xo

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    1. Thank you Wendy, I feel a bit daft as I didn't mean to make anyone else worry, that was one of the things that I was struggling with, and now I have had all these lovely comments, and that really wasn't my intention. Anyway, they are gratefully received as they are so kind and meant so nicely. I will be fine! Thanks for the hug! xx

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  10. Oh dear - life is not always as it seems and it is so difficult sometimes to share. I tend to step away if my trouble are bothering me.

    take care,

    Nina x

    ps. thank you for your lovely kind comment of my post last week - you are too kind. N x

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    1. You are so kind Nina. Loving the beautiful pictures on your blog - in fact I think I might just come back and have another look at those amazing pictures of the sea. xx

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  11. I hope that just the act of writing that post helped you in some way, even if you didn't publish it. Don't feel you have to share - some things are just not for sharing, and that's ok. Take care of yourself. xx

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    1. Thank you Gillian. I think I should have written and deleted just the once - I will do that in future! You take care as well. xx

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  12. I so get this!!! Life is full of a zillion emotions and trials. There are posts that I have written that are still drafts because I could not publish them. And now I look at them as more of a therapeutic exercise and will probably never publish them. I think as bloggers we all get something about life...that it is sweet and fleeting..and the little beautiful things are to be appreciated. That is what I love about it! You take care friend!

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    1. Good to know Nicole. Hope that you find some therapy in your not published writings when you need to. xx

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  13. Agree with all of the sentiments here, only share what you are comfortable sharing and if you decide that things are just too personal to write here, I hope you do have someone you trust in real life who you can unload upon and give you perspective when you need it.

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  14. I can almost hear you beating yourself up about what you did share, but actually I think you have beautifully managed to convey that there is a real person behind your blog with real bothersome stuff happening alongside the good. And as Mel (who is one of my best blogging buddies) said, we all need to write a post like this once in a while. We may want to fill our corner of blogtopia with pretty things but we can still communicate that we're not plastic people.

    I think it takes about a year to really get into your stride as a blogger and discover your 'writing' voice and everyone's archive has posts from the early days that they wish they hadn't published - not that I'm suggesting you shouldn't have posted this one but you seem to feel that way - but we learn from them and become better bloggers because of them.

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    1. Thank you for your wise words Annie, you seem to have read my mind. Thank you for reassuring me! As you probably know I've only been at this a few months, so as you say, I still need to find my voice and get into my stride I guess. I will keep plugging on!

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  15. Hello I have found you via my pal 'crafting not cleaning' ...worry can be a killer please dont worry about this problem unless it is a life or death situation...that is what my Mum would say to me...even at my age...bestest wishes to you today...i hope you are feeling happier now?
    Daisy j

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    1. Hello Daisy, glad you found me, hope you stop by again. I'm fine, thank you for asking.

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  16. Oh Amy!!! I feel SO bad for upsetting you with my Post. I'm really sorry. But I do really understand what you are saying here. I know how frustrating it is to want to share something but for some reason it just doesn't feel right to do so at the time. You just have to operate within YOUR own comfort zone. If it makes you feel better it has taken me over 2 years to write some of the things in my recent Post and I really didn't think I revealed that much in the end at all - I'm definitely not one of those brave 'warts and all' bloggers, I just get a bee in my bonnet every now and then! I'm really enjoying your blog. Take care. Mel xxx

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    1. Thank you Mel, don't feel at all bad, I don't suppose you wrote your amazing and heartfelt post to upset me. It just made me emotional as it said so well some of what I was and do feel from time to time. One day I will write as eloquently as you and be able to say things better. Hope you have a good week. xx

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  17. I'm sorry that you're in such turmoil over sharing whatever it is. Now obviously isn't the right time, try not to worry about not sharing, I'm sure you will if the time is ever right.

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    1. Thank you Jo, if and when the time is ever right I will try and share, I'm better today and just trying to move on! xx

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  18. You have to do what feels best for you, and sometimes it's hard to tell what that is- but stay strong and accept that there will be times when you can't. Best wishes, Amanda

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    1. Thank you Amanda, and thank you for visiting my blog, looking forward to reading more of yours and hoping that you will visit here again - my posts are usually better than this one! xx

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  19. Amy I think we all know that life is not as it appears on the blogosphere, mostly we like to share happy times because when things are tricky we're found hiding under a pretty crochet blanket! My life has highs and lows like everyone elses but I prefer to just share the fun and I know that reading positive uplifting posts can lift me out of a gloomy place! xxx

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    1. Thank you Sue, I hope that you have lots of highs and few lows, and that you don't have to hide under a blanket too much. I will be back to happy posts very soon, so I hope they will cheer you up. Take care of yourself. xx

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  20. Dearest Amy
    This was an honest from the heart post and yes we all hide the nasty and very sad and upsetting bits from our lives as blogging is often focussing on the fun and bright colourful bits af happiness in our lives. Please don't worry, I think that people often appreciate an honest post like this and that we are all real behind the scenes. You have been so sweet with your comments on my blog and I really appreciate it so much. Take gentle care of you and know that you are mot alone xox big hugs x Penny

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    1. Thank you Penny, I'm really enjoying your very honest postcard posts. xx

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  21. I clench my jaw when I'm stressed, too! Awful! Deep breaths...relax..... :)

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    1. We are a very select group the clencher grinders!! xx

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  22. Hi Amy I just want to give you a big hug - I don't need to know what is troubling you but I want you to know I am thinking about you and thank you for sharing your angst
    Sue x

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  23. Hi Amy, no life's not always so rosy is it, I choose to focus on the positives in my life as it seems easier. There's always someone so much worse off than myself but that doesn't stop me trying to be open and honest about the challenges in my life, and I hope by doing so it helps others! Keep well Sweetheart :) x

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    1. Somehow the horrid weather has cleared a few cobwebs and reminded me to be grateful today, so I am going to try and go forward with that thought! You take care of yourself too! xx

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