Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Thank you

Thank you everyone for your incredibly kind and thoughtful comments on my last post and to those who e-mailed me as well.  You are all so very much appreciated and your words and thoughts do put things into perspective.  I am constantly amazed by people, their ability to feel and be kind and caring and sharing is a wonderful thing.  Thank you a thousand times.

As you may know, I have struggled with replying to comments, and some time ago reached the decision not to always reply to every comment.  So although I don't generally reply to every comment, I would normally for something like this, but the number of comments, combined with the fact that I cannot reply to everyone as some people are no reply and so on, meant that I thought it better to do a big thank you to everyone all together.  I hope that you don't mind.

I sent my polite (gosh I hope it was!) reply to the sender of the e-mail that upset me.  I have since spoken to them once and they were pleasant on the phone.  So I have taken away from this - because I always try and look for the scraps of silver linings - that perhaps indeed it is easy to say something in an e-mail that might not come across the way you intend, and that therefore you should always check what you write, and if someone writes something to you, don't take it so personally unless you are sure it was meant that way. 

Having taken a few days away from the computer - in general - has been good, and although I haven't done anything much, and although things are getting worse every day and more issues are appearing every day, I am feeling better for the break from the computer. 

I don't know where things will lead right now, but I do know that I am quite emotional - did you notice! - and so any blog posts are likely to head that way too.  So my decision is, just for now, that I will continue to take a little blog break as I don't feel that I can burden you with what is going on, and also I don't want my happy place here to descend into gloom and doom - for my own benefit as well as yours! 

So for now I am on a blog break, I don't have any idea when I will return, but I will return.  A few posts may appear at random for things such as Armistice Day though.  I will also keep reading your own posts as and when even if you don't realise because I haven't commented.

I have turned off the comments on this post, but, as always, if anyone wants to get in touch, please feel free to e-mail me, address is on the "about" page.

Take care of yourselves my dear bloggy friends.  Love yourselves and your families and friends and those around you as much as you can in your own situations.  Keep on crafting and all the other good things of life and know that I love you.

Amy xx

Friday, 24 October 2014

Writing

Some of you have recently left comments here, or replies in comments on your own posts saying that I say the sweetest things to others.  Thank you for that, I really do try hard to make sure that I only say positive things.  Not in a saccharin or fake way, just that I try and be nice to everyone in thought, word and deed.  It is very important to me, sometimes it takes work to say something nice to someone that I am not feeling very nice about, but still I do it.  Of course most of the time it is easy, especially when writing to such lovely people as ya'll are. 

I am sure that you do the same too.  In fact, I know that you do - from your own lovely comments!  Thank you for all of your kind comments to me, especially lately.  I appreciate them so much, and I am doing all that I can to take care of myself as you have instructed me to do.

So bearing in mind that I try and just look at the positive things - because I really do - and that I am trying to take care of myself - which for me means not getting stressed out - why can I not shake the one little tiny thing that is bothering me so very much.

It isn't the fact that I have ill family members that need caring for.  It isn't even the fact that hubby is, as I write this, at the funeral of a young 20 year old friend who died in a car crash 2 weeks ago.  It isn't the difficulties that have reared their head over who is going to have who or go where for Christmas.  All stressful or difficult things, but I can cope with all of those.  I take them in my stride and handle them. They aren't fun, but I can deal with them.

No, instead, I pick the one little phrase from an e-mail from a family member to get totally upset about.  The e-mail as a whole wasn't unpleasant in any way, but instead of just saying thank you, or sticking to purely factual information, they had to stick in a phrase that has just gone into my heart like a dagger and stuck there.  Instead of saying thank you for driving miles up and down the motorway, for stepping in and helping, for committing to visits all through this month and November (which no one else has done as far as I am aware) and just leaving it at that, they say about my suggested dates for visiting that it is OK "unless anybody feels inconvenienced in any way".  That is, inconvenienced by my visits.

Over the last few weeks I have written so many posts and e-mails only to outright delete them or change them in some way - and then probably still delete them! - because I try so hard to get the words right.  Now I know that if I look at this rationally they probably didn't mean anything by their comment, and didn't mean to upset me, but frankly they have.  I guess because I try so hard to be nice I would hope that I would never say anything like this.  Indeed I spent ages trying to compose a polite reply to the e-mail so that I could not be dragged into anything in any way, or cause upset to anyone in any way.

Anyway, I am rambling now.  I am going to take my broken heart and try and drag my sorry behind into a better mood and frame of mind, to put this behind me and move onwards and upwards.  Sorry that I don't have pretty pictures or words to share right now.  I am trying to keep them as pleasant and happy as I can though.

I will be back.  In the end.  In the meantime, I am reading your posts - I am soooooooo behind it isn't even funny, but I have decided to follow my own advice to many of you and not comment on every post - sorry!  As soon as I am all caught up reading I will be back to it.  I promise.

Thank you again for your support.  I am constantly amazed that so many people take the time to leave a nice little message.  I really do appreciate all of your comments and e-mails and so on.

So, in lieu of comments on your own blog, I hope that all will be well with you, that you will have a good weekend, that your garden grows, your crafts continue so beautifully, that you have great times with your family.  I am there in your sorrow and am thinking of you.  I share your joys and am glad that you are having happy times.

Take care of yourselves my friends.  I may return shortly, or I may take a little time - depending on how quickly I can get my sorry behind back into gear again.  So see you as and when.

Amy xx

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Grace

Today I was at the nursing home visiting for most of the day.  By the time I left I was so tired and as I started the drive home this song came on the radio.  It just spoke to me.  The words said so much about what I had learned today about Grace.  Don't you just find it amazing how the right song can appear on the radio just when you need it.

(I tried so hard to put the video in, but couldn't get it to work, I will have another go another day when I am less tired, but please do click the link and listen to the words)

It is a rubbish time right now, but a good time too, learning about myself, good things and not so good.  I am incredibly impatient at times, and yet I am learning patience.  I am also learning things about others too.

Mostly what I learned is the way that others can act with such grace, despite what they are going through.  Gosh, if only we could be more graceful in our dealings with others and in our lives.

The good news is that in a sense I have been more graceful since my visit last week, because I haven't been attacked by any more anti rain weapons (love that term Red Setter!) and I am wearing flat shoes too - no heels!! 

Still managed to spill my lunch down my front today though, drive the wrong way into the petrol station at the motorway services and nearly walk off with someone else's credit card too - can you imagine how awful that would have been!!  Oh, and horror of horrors, set the personal attack alarm off on the phone of the Lady I was visiting.  It shrieked and wailed like nothing I have ever heard and who knew that phones could have personal attack alarms.  Oh the shame!!!  At least I didn't set her alarm off for if she needed a nurse!

They had a raffle today, I didn't win a prize, but at least it meant that I didn't win the basket of dodgy looking toiletries that was left as the last item to be claimed either!  No one seemed to want it.  I think that it went to some poor man in the end, I cannot imagine what he would do with the contents of the basket.


Small blessings!

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Thank you for your comments and understanding at this time, your words and thoughts are so appreciated, more than you might know. 

I am sorry that these posts are not perhaps the most cheering things you have ever read, or perhaps they seem irreverent, but Lady is someone very close to me (as is Third Person).  I have to find the funny side and perhaps the black humour in all of this as if I don't I will be a sobbing mess in the corner no good to anyone.   In the last six years we have had pretty much a continual stream of ill health and worse in our friends and family and as I will perhaps someday explain more about, if I don't look at it in this way I cannot look at all.  Please don't be offended though.

Thank you again for your kindness.  Best wishes to you and yours.

Amy